How Do You Solve a Problem Like Emily? by B

This season, Emily is living in California, tending bar at what we can only assume is a Sammy Hagar Bar & Grill (I refuse to believe she has actually sunk to the level of working at a Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville), and has bottles of prescription drugs and even needles! Her war hero father, her only truly stable parent, has died. For the first time since she came out in season one, she isn't shackled to a love interest and is suffering through God knows what on her own. Emily has had some lows but she may be at her lowest point yet! It is utterly tragic, yet, I could not care less. Emily is as boring and uninteresting as she has EVER been! 

For how come? This is easily Emily's juiciest season yet. There is more drama here in the first two episodes of 6B than in entire past seasons for her character. So, what's happening? Has the character of Emily just gotten such short shrift in past seasons that we have just written her off? She has been a factory of bad choices, so are we punishing her for that? Has the insane vocal minority known as Emison shippers' finally soured us on the Em half? Or does this heightened drama for Emily simply highlight how lacking Shay Mitchell's acting chops are? 

Sadly, it is probably an amalgam of all of these things. So, the question now is: How do we fix Emily? It ain't gonna be easy but here is my prescription. Get rid of Lone Wolf Emily. She is the weak link of the group so when she is off doing her own things she is especially weak. Whatever storyline she has this season that she is keeping from the other girls, wrap it up quick and ingratiate her back into the group. The other girls lift her up. Without them surrounding her, she is a human ambient noise machine  putting viewers right to sleep. She is a supporting character. Let her support the other girls. Give her a stable relationship after once and for all ending any possibility of Emison which is the most poisonous relationship on this entire show, and that is saying something! Realize Shay's acting limits and work within them. Again, Em is a strong character when she is lifting up others. When she is on her own, I am checking Twitter on my phone until I hear LITERALLY any other character's voice. When the other girls are having problems, Em should be their go to. 

Oh, and don't let her do the shush in the opening. She's somehow terrible at it. How is someone terrible at shushing? I don't know, but she is. Really terrible. 


Jem is Truly, Truly Pro-Choice! by Tom McNab

The following was submitted by the official fourth chair of Pretty Little Podcasters, Tom McNab. We just had to share it because, well, it is truly truly outrageous and we LOVE it! We will post our idea for a Jem movie shortly. We certainly won't do better than Tom so don't hold your breath. 

If you want to draft your own outline for a Jem movie, let us hear it! Just shoot us an email at! 

After hearing about how disappointed you were with the adaptation of Jem and the Holograms, I was wondering if there was ever any potential for this 80s Classic in today's modern world. I started jotting down ideas, and whilst I thought I had good ones, it somehow ended up being a pro-choice film that sends the message teenage girls should give up their baby if it comes between them and becoming famous!

Jerrica is an aspiring singer, turning 18 and leaving the Starlight orphanage run by Molly Ringwald. Given her less than fortunate upbringing, she's always overlooked in band auditions for girls who are more wealthy and fashionable. She is now old enough to be entitled to the possessions in her father's will. This includes a decrepit old house where in the basement she finds her dad's workshop, including Synergy. Synergy was supposed to be a time machine, but Jerrica's father gave up on the idea because it was stuck at the year 1986. She travels there anyway, and slips into the lifestyle easily. She's fashionable, popular, and catches the eye of a guy named Rio. He tells her about a band he manages called The Holograms who are auditioning for a lead vocalist. Jerrica wants to become famous but realises she can't - so she auditions for the band as Jem. Thus ensues fame, glamour, and glitter. Conflicts in the film include Jem forming a friendship with her (future)father, and wanting to stay in 1986 with him, becoming pregnant by Rio and having to choose between starting a family with him or continuing her success with the band. The Misfits threaten the popularity of Jem and The Holograms when they discover Synergy and travel to the year 2016, bringing back with them an arsenal of future pop songs which they plan on recording first. Jerrica travels to 2016 and sees the potential of a future where The Misfits were the most popular band of the last 30 years. It's basically a shitty world where everyone dresses alike and are void of dreams and aspirations. Jem successfully destroys their arsenal and sees in the future The Misfits are simply remembered as one hit wonders. Jerrica tries to hide her pregnancy, but retreats to the year 2016. She reads about how close Jem and The Holograms were to making it big, and after talking with Molly at the orphanage, realises that Molly is her daughter. Molly knows nothing about her mother, but does have a photo of her dad, Rio. Jerrica hears how, although being adopted, Molly feels fortunate, as it made her open Starlight and introduced her to so many amazing children, including Jerrica. Jerrica asks Molly if she could would she ask her mother not to abandon her. Molly says she wouldn't, as she believes her mother deserved her own life and was still just a teenager when she gave birth. Jerrica says goodbye and tells Molly she has and always will love her. She returns to 1986 and after giving birth to Molly and saying goodbye, continues on with The Holograms.

At least the soundtrack to my version of the film would stick the original 80s theme (think Dead Or Alive), and thus would make it better than the actual one. I'd love to read what Jem film you would have made. By all means, use the bones of mine and please, PLEASE take it in a different direction!


P.S. - are you a fan of Jiz and the Mammograms?